September 12, 2007

hacked little boy

The differences between French and non-French men are becoming glaringly obvious to me yet again.
I have a very hip, hetero, male hairdresser in a larny* area. I let him do as he pleases with my coiffure, as I could never hope to be hip of my own accord.

Today I strutted into his salon and he said,
"What are we doing today?"
I gave my best imitation of a gallic shrug and replied,
"Pppfff, I dunno. You tell me?"

The 'ppfff' thing is the mouth-farting the French are so fond of. You cannot legitimately speak French without copious amounts of lip and mouth farting going on. It's like zerbetting mid-sentence, for effect, or ending your sentence with a resounding 'pppfff' to let people know you mean it! The French lip-fart can mean:
i don't care
i don't know
what the fuck?!
mark my words
oh my god!
ah, for crying out loud and a bucket of blood
well, well, well - what have we here?

Maybe someday I'll post a video demo because it is important to use the correct eyebrow placement.

So, anyway - I acted cool and lip-farted, letting him know I was confident in his capable hands. I sat down in the chair and he swiveled his stool around me.

"How short shall we go?"

A framed picture caught my eye, to the right above my head. A beautiful girl with a close cropped pixie-cut and little rebel bits sticking out from behind her ears. I pointed at the picture with eyebrows raised.

"Does she have much thicker hair than I? Could I....?"

Marc, my hairdresser, wasted no time.

"Ah, J'ADORE! J'adore! That's why I put that up there. With your slim face...and on top of it you have light eyes. J'adore! C'est pour vous, ça!"

And so, in less than 20 minutes I was given an approximation of the close cropped pixie-cut. Marc reckons it'll take about 2 weeks for the *rebel* strands to appear behind the ears - but he's set it up to grow into (rebellious) place.

I came home to the BF** and he clapped his hand over his mouth in shock and cried out,

"WHO did that to you? What happened to your HAIR? It looks like it's been.... hacked! It's shredded! Oh my God, you've got a hacked little-boy mullet!"

All I can say is: JEAN SEBERG, people! No wonder the French idolised her - South African men don't like short hair that much.

* larny = SA slang for wealthy
** BF = boyfriend, but you know that one, don't you?

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