Eeeeuuuuh!

I just got a crank call. At first I thought it was someone I know, brushing their teeth and unwittingly calling me from their shirt pocket. Because I am on the cheapest mobile deal imaginable - my provider has been trying to get me to change for years, as my tarif doesn't even exist anymore! - I do not have caller ID. Oddly enough, just yesterday I resolved to add that (paying) service to my contract. So anyway, that was yesterday and I do not have it yet.
I heard this teeth-brushing sound and started whistling into the phone as loudly as I could to get the caller's attention. That usually works. The teeth-brushing sound continued and after 45 seconds I got bored of whistling to no-one, so I hung up. I whistle with great difficulty as it is, so I wasn't going to waste it!
Seconds after I hung up, the phone rang again. I laughed, thinking this shirt pocket was determined to make calls! Again, I answered and again I heard teeth-brushing. And then.... I heard heavy breathing...over the teeth-brushing. And by heavy breathing I mean h e a v i n g breathing, actually. It was at that moment that I interpreted the teeth-brushing sound as monkey-slapping! At least, I'm guessing that was what it was supposed to sound like. The guy obviously wasn't happy with my idiotic whistling and wanted to make SURE I knew he was jerking off...
Whistle-less with shock (-yes, heavy breathing silences even me) I just stood there, listening in disbelief. Then I wanted to laugh and passed the phone to a MAN, who with his MANLY voice started sending MANLY hellos down the line. Meanwhile, I was trying to find something really really loud I could let explode down the line. (PS had I been in SA, I would have had my shrill, ear-splitting personal alarm can on me. How useful that would have been - sighhhh). Eventually, Heaving-Breather didn't appreciate MANLY hellos accompanying his jerking... and hung up.

yuk - yuk - yuk