Psssst....

Yesterday, I touched the hand of Jonny Depp's womb (in the words of the BF!) I spent an hour in Vanessa Paradis' company and I must admit... I am a convert! She is a lovely little fairy (and I mean that in the nicest possible way) and Jonny Depp made a great choice! Oh and by the way... Jonny is fluent in French. Can one be any more impressed by the man?!

I'm working on a documentary television project that will put me in touch with the creme de la creme of French cinema.
To start the day we interviewed a very well-know cinema director. He was very chatty and took the sudden inexplicable break-down of our camera in stride, saying it was one of Life's 20 Rules:

You climb in a hot bath... the phone rings.
You're on day 1 of a film shoot... the camera breaks down.

He had so many anecdotes to recount that he didn't seem to mind having to wait while the sound-engineer dashed off for a replacement camera. Thank godness there was no toy-throwing! It extended the interview by 2 hours, but hey - I'm not complaining at having to spend extended periods of time with famous people!

Soundbite (France)

I am not talking to women who don't masturbate anymore. I can't handle the uptightness. Let them go away and masturbate for about a year and a half - THEN we can talk!

[French filmmaker on... well, uptight women! If you had any doubts about the extent to which Frenchmen think sex solves absolutely everything...here's your answer.]

Religious pornography casting

...is how I would describe the last casting I went to. It was an open call for an independent feature film. I went along, with a vegetarian colleague of mine (why the veggie bit is significant you will earn upon further reading!) We were given sides* and asked to put our names on the waiting list.

Upon scanning the sides for a moment, I thought it was fishy, as in VERY. Overtly religious and fervent. When I asked what market the film was for, Utah and Colorado were mentioned and I had a lightbulb moment. "Mormons?" "Yes" came the reply. "Uh, okay, thanks. I can't stay for the audition, unfortunately - bye!" My co-thespian asked me why I was dashing off and mentioned that it may be religious, but they are paying $150 a day, so it would be worth it.

In an admittedly low blow I retorted, "Would you eat meat, if someone promised you $150? A religious movie that aims to convert people to the Church of the Latter Day Saints, just like a porno photo-shoot, will re-surface and come back to haunt you at a very inconvenient point in your career, I am quite sure of that."
And with that, we both hopped on our bikes and cycled off, as fast as our little pedalling legs could propel us.

*sides = excerpts of the script to audition from