honk my horn

Okay people, this is serious. All of this past summer's environmental initiatives in Paris (free bikes and anti-car days and bla, bla, bla) have just bitten the dust. Or rather, are choking on the pollution of hours of gridlock as every car owner on the Ile de France tears up their worthless metro pass and spends hours in their vehicle to cover 5 kms in 4 hours.

We are entering DAY 7 of the transport strike and for good measure, the teachers and postal employees are joining the fray. It'll be like a bloody bank holiday here tomorrow - except that normal people are trying to work, with very limited options as to how to physically get to work and nowhere to leave the kids!

I have been making use of the passenger-on-scooter mode of transportation. Luckily one of the owners of a voice-over studio I do a lot of work for lives near me and has a scooter. This evening we crossed the city from west to east at 30km/h, dodging side-mirrors as the cars turned Paris into a giant, idling parking lot. Here's what I've learnt about strike etiquette: scooters and motorbikes put on their hazards and then dash right through the middle, between the cars. In tunnels, the gleeful two-wheeled drivers sound their little hooters as they manouvre through the lines of cars: beep-beep, bip-bip-bip, beep-beep-beep-beeeeeeep and the cars REPLY. Yes! It's true! Car hooters are much louder and fuller than the tinny little scooter horns, so it's quite cool to hear the resounding BEEP-BEEP, BIP-BIP-BIP, BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEEEEEEP reply.

I am amazed that in this crisis, people find the time to play eccentric little honking games in tunnels. Especially if you take into account how much bad feeling there usually is between the 'scoots' and the cars :-) People are weird.

Flirt recipe for a sunny day in Paris

Recipe for the perfect charming Frenchman.

Ingredients:
1 x sunny day
1 x old bicycle with chain that randomly pops off
1 x girl with grease-covered fingers

1. Put girl on bicycle and let her pedal at low speed for several minutes.
2. When corner café consistency is reached, pop chain off bicycle and stop pedaling.
3. Crouch girl down next to bicycle and let fumble for a few seconds.
Handsome waiter will pour out of café with a tray of drinks and rapidly distribute them to smiling patrons, shouting: “ Wait, miss, don’t touch that - I’m coming!”
4. Simply wrap waiter around little finger with dazzling smile and English accent and you’re done! Shake, stir and enjoy!

Alternative for tee-totalers:
Follow steps 1. and 2. but replace corner café with sports shop.
3. Get girl to roll bicycle into sports shop.
4. Fold handsome salesman over bicycle, as they both get their fingers full of grease.
5. Allow to simmer at low heat, as girl and salesmen go ‘round the back to wash their hands in the staff only area and he welcomes her to his country...

And that, ladies, is all it takes. The French are gourmets, after all.