May 15, 2007

Religious pornography casting

...is how I would describe the last casting I went to. It was an open call for an independent feature film. I went along, with a vegetarian colleague of mine (why the veggie bit is significant you will earn upon further reading!) We were given sides* and asked to put our names on the waiting list.

Upon scanning the sides for a moment, I thought it was fishy, as in VERY. Overtly religious and fervent. When I asked what market the film was for, Utah and Colorado were mentioned and I had a lightbulb moment. "Mormons?" "Yes" came the reply. "Uh, okay, thanks. I can't stay for the audition, unfortunately - bye!" My co-thespian asked me why I was dashing off and mentioned that it may be religious, but they are paying $150 a day, so it would be worth it.

In an admittedly low blow I retorted, "Would you eat meat, if someone promised you $150? A religious movie that aims to convert people to the Church of the Latter Day Saints, just like a porno photo-shoot, will re-surface and come back to haunt you at a very inconvenient point in your career, I am quite sure of that."
And with that, we both hopped on our bikes and cycled off, as fast as our little pedalling legs could propel us.

*sides = excerpts of the script to audition from

8 comments:

DNel said...

You know, I havent read many of your entries/articles, and I am sure they are good, but I am not sure why you got the 2007 SA Blog awards? I dont see the relevance? Obviously I am missing something, maybe you could point me in right direction? You writing isnt very South African, and I havent found any profound point to them. I will keep reading an hopefully eat my words, or maybe not. I am a SA'can in Texas, and yeah, Texans are a wonderful specie, love it here. Come on, give me just one SA swear word.....

DNel said...

And i just realised my terrible spelling. You win.

Shayne said...

Jis dNel, I think you may have a point. But the problem is way more serious than Saffer soutpiele not writing South African-like in their online journals.

I just finished Slow Man and that Coetzee oke didn't use "doos" once in the whole book. Not one single time. I doesn't even think the oke said "Jou Ma se" anything. And the book was like 200 pages long! Those okes at the Nobel Commission gave him a million bucks and ... his writing isn't even South African. And don't mention that Nadine Gordimer chick. I've read some of her stuff and the whole book was in English. English like they write it in the Oxford .. not like it are spoke by the jeanpant in Brakpan. ;)

Seriously, don't you think it's a bit mean to go into someone's diary and say, "I don't see the point of your writing"?

DN said...

Shayne, you're a moron, obviously someone upset you in the past and now your blurred vision has put you on a quest to throw silly words around in your infinite wisdom. Some of the words I use sometimes (not always) has a meaning behind it. And no it is not rude questioning someone's online journal, especially when you have an award posted on your site. I will explain it to you "Shayne" again... mind you, i dont have to. And stop using ugly curse words to shock. Sometimes all you need is a few emotional words (my "swearing" being a short way of saying that), to show that the botox hasnt affected your speech. Shayne, go have a beer to cool down. Your sarcasm needs it.

shayne said...

Talk about needing to cool down! You know what ";)" means and what "seriously" means right? I was joking, dude. But since you called me a botox-infested, blurry-eyed moron, let me give you a more serious reply to your post.

1) You suggested that HWR use swear words to make her blog more "relevant" but I should stop using "ugly curse words" (like doos?). Make up your mind, dude - you want more swearing or less swearing? :D

2) You questioned the RELEVANCE of her online journal. That is rude. She writes about the things she's doing in her life every day and you go to the trouble to say it lacks relevance. That's like saying, "Your life isn't really relevant." It's relevant to her (and other people obviously) and if you ain't bovvered mate (to quote Lauren Cooper), no one is forcing you to click. What's worse is that your comment that a particular blog isn't good because it lacks relevance was bloody stupid because it shows that you don't understand what a blog is. The essential character of a weblog is that it has no relevance.

3) HWR won best OVERSEAS blog and not Best Blog (as you wrote). As far as I can see, all you had to do to qualify was be a South African living abroad - like you ... and like me. No relevance requirement, no requirement that the writing be South African (whatever that means). Almost all of the questions you posed are questions you should be asking the okes who judged the competition. They thought this blog was worth reading just as your American Idol judges thought Taylor Hicks was worth listening to. Would you think it polite to go up to Taylor and say, "Dude, please show me why you won because I don't think your shoes are green?" He didn't decide he was the best American Idol so how can he show you why he won ... and having green shoes wasn't a requirement for winning so how's he's supposed to respond to that?

4) I don't know if the sarcasm didn't work well enough or worked too well but your comment that her writing isn't very South African plumbs the depths of ... how do I say this nicely without using "curse words" ... silliness? Is my writing South African? Is Gordimers, JM Coetzee's? Well he's now Australian apparently. But you get the point - if you didn't get it before. The blog is written in English - an official language of the Republic of South Africa. I tell you what, let's cut this short why don't you just tell us what kind of writing is South African?

Before you come back and call me some more names, I really didn't mean to offend you last time round and I'm quite prepared to pretend you never said those nasty things up there and move on as friends in cyberspace. In fact, I will graciously comply with your advice to have a beer. I will even have one with you if you send me a ticket to Houston! I really would be interested to hear what you think South African writing is though.

DN said...

Yeah, I should'nt have been mean, but now you have gone from bad to worse. Some of what you just wrote is misquoting me. I am rererereading what i wrote, maybe you should too? I am gonna be the mormon moron now and do this clearly
- the swear word thing - just a teaser at saying she must be naughty now and then, not necessarily in the words but in the thinking. And I didnt say swear more. Come on, read it slowly
- I didnt say I dont see the relevance of her blog. Read it again, slowly. I implied the connotation between the award and the entries (which i admitted my knowledge of was limited).
-the best blog comment - once again, not my words, read what i wrote please. And I wasnt spelling it out.
-the SA writing thing, once again, read it in full context, it was a criticism by all mean, and what you wrote - I DID NOT write that
- So yeah, you make it hard to be nice if you change me words, your elaborations are not fair. I bet you were having more champagne than I was at the time? And no i didnt call anyone botox infested, I think you read to fast. I did say moron, but can you blame me? My entire opinion is based on one reply and you have to admit, it wasnt a great one. Quoting famous writers/novelists and using "funny faces or emoticons" are lost on me.
-reading your reply again - I DID NOT SAY USE MORE CURSING TO MAKE IT RELEVANT. I feel like jacob zuma, oh well maybe not a great example for an innocent being persecuted.
- I admitted I have not read that much of her blog - it is quite clear.
- Cyberfaces/emoticons ARE LOST ON ME
- Nah, we should go have a beer somewhere else, everyones on lite beers here, which i guess combined with this fatty diet is not a bad idea. Now if i can only start hating wine.

shayne said...

Well, apparently neither I nor HWR got your drift then. At the end of the day, all I'm saying is that you shouldn't come to a blog and expect profound points. That's not what a blog is. And before you criticise some rather personal thoughts, maybe think about how someone might "misunderstand" your words.

Resistance to the emoticons is futile. There is no other way for me to tell you that I'm pulling your leg than ;) . I didn't like it in the beginning either, but there really is no way around it.

Anyway, the whole concept of South African identity is interesting to me and I really am interested as to what your comment "You writing isnt very South African" did mean. Can you expand on that. What is South African writing and why is this writing not South African? I don't think there's a right and wrong answer to this. I just want to know what you think.

Hollywoodgal said...

Uhm... hello? Do you boys want to take this somewhere else, maybe? DN, did you see my reply to you in the comments section of the latest post (reply to a reader's questions)?
Y'all y'all have a good day now.